Welcome to Monday Mandates, where the weekend is a distant memory

Here's your weekly dose of blast prophecy, courtesy of our team of expert prophets:

Bad Weather - A 100% chance of scattered showers, with a high prophets of existential dread
Overworked - 5/7 chance of being asked to do extra work on your day off, with a 3/1 odds of a raise in your future
Late to Bed - A guaranteed 100% chance of hitting the snooze button 7 times, with a high probability of waking up to a sink full of dirty dishes
Caffeine Deficiency - A 9/10 chance of needing a morning pick-me-up, with a 1/10 chance of actually getting one
Lost My Keys - A 50/50 chance of finding them under the couch, with a 1/1 chance of blaming it on the dog

Don't forget to tune in next week for more blast prophecies, or just pretend to, we won't judge you.